On Love
It is Valentine's Day today/tomorrow (based on where you are reading this). What better day to write about love. It can be argued that one needs no date or time to write about love. True. But on Feb 14th, it just gets more people to read about it that any other day in the year. So with that utterly selfish reason, here we go. Fair warning- this post does get occasionally sappy.It has been a tad over 14 years since my wife and I started going out and a little over 8 years since we got married. And the years have been good to us. We have a wonderful boy of almost 5 and everything we have asked for. But a Valentine's Day or a wedding anniversary comes along and we ask each other the same question - about our love for each other. And I give my wonderful wife the same answer- it is stronger than ever. And I am sure many of you young couples with maybe a little kid or two are on the same boat as us. And I hope you agree with me on this. If not, give me a chance to convince you.For a young couple in love, marriage feels like the ultimate validation. But then it happens and all of a sudden, there is a feeling that a bit of the air has been taken off the balloon. The thrill of being lovers is replaced by the fact of being a married couple. And with passing years (and I have only 8 of them to show for it) it feels as if the spark is slowly fading away. But in fact, the spark is just becoming a slowly but steadily glowing candle in the dark. We tend to look for the burst where there is a steady stream of trust and implicit understanding.And then a child happens. It changes our lives completely as it did to us. We totally turn our attentions away from each other and get engrossed for 24 hours of the day (literally, with all the sleepless nights holding a newborn) dissecting the minutiae of a newborn's actions and sometimes the lack of thereof (why hasn't he burped yet?). The air in the balloon seems to start escaping rapidly at this point. With every challenge the newborn poses, the little spark seems to be completely disappearing. Little does it dawn on us that we are maturing as a couple and the love is now totally packed into the little one. And we just moved from partially dependent on each other to being totally and completely dependent on one another.Time passes and life happens in every way possible- working parents, sick child, active child, talkative child and whatever else we are yet to see. At times, we seem to have no time for each other. But to me, the love is very much there. Everywhere and in everything.When she cooks every morning and evening, lovingly trying to do something different every day and hope that the father and the child like it, there is love in every bite and morsel.When she does the laundry patiently over and over again, hating it but never stopping to do it, there is so much love. If a person is willing to do your laundry and fold the clothes and put it in the closet without expecting anything in return, there is an incredible amount of love packed into that laundry basket. If you have tried it, I know you believe me.When she chides us (father and child) for having every lousy dirty habit in the world (yes, I bite my nails) and blames the child for carrying all of the dad's genes, there is that admonishing love that only a closest one can have.When she occasionally cries or yells at us, there is always a reason. We may choose not to believe it. But there is always a reason. We know it. And in every frustrated scream, there is an overwhelming sense of love that makes it all the more powerful.And it is not all her.When he takes care of the bills and things around the house, it is because he feels protective of her. And wants to make sure she is always safe and taken care of. Never in harms way.When he goes to the park with the child, it is not to run away from her but to give her some breathing room in the midst of a hectic day.When he asks her to go shopping with her friends, it is not because he is bored. It is because he wants her to take her time and get what she wants without being rushed by him.I could go on and on...but you get the point. In a family, we do things because we love each other so much. And there is a remarkable sense of respect and admiration that goes with it. Something that only grows with age.Our day tomorrow will be no different than the day today or the day after, for various reasons. A bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates would be great, sure.Would it be nice to have a quiet dinner. Very much so. Would it be nice to have the entire day to ourselves. Heck yeah. But those sometimes are not possible and many of you experience this year after year.To me, when she packs our lunch and leaves home for work early in the morning, just like any other day, that is by far a bigger sign of love than anything else. That to me says that on a special day she does what the family needs. The biggest sacrifice anyone can ask for and the hardest one too. One that can only come borne out of true love. And for my part, I try my best to show her how much I love her. With gifts, yes, but more importantly by being useful around the house. And doing every little thing that just keeps her smiling all day. That is my biggest gift to her. You see, when a couple go to bed smiling and happy after a long tired day, every day is a Valentine's Day. Every day is a wedding anniversary.So to all of you out there who think tomorrow means nothing, maybe so. It means nothing, but it also means everything when you think about it. By keeping each other smiling and happy all day, you just gave each other the best gift ever. And about that spark, the candle of love glows so brightly that it will blind you to everything else. Sparks are short lived. The glow lasts forever.I will leave you with the concluding segment from my favorite short story ever - "The Gift of the Magi
"And here I have lamely related to you the uneventful chronicle of two foolish children who most unwisely sacrificed for each other the greatest treasures of the house. But in a last word to the wise of these days let it be said that of all who give gifts these two were the wisest. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are wisest. Everywhere they are wisest. They are the magi".Happy Valentine's Day folks.P.S: I am allowed an occasion sappy post.