What is in a name, you ask?
A few weeks ago, as I was driving back from work, the topic of conversation on the Michael Smerconish show (XM 124) was names. More specifically, how long and complex names get butchered in the US. Be it over the phone, with customer service, over the counter at fast food restaurants, and everywhere else, the long name has its own challenges. I sympathized very much with the callers. I mean, Rangaprabhu Parthasarathy is not really a simple name. Even by Indian standards. Toss it in the cornucopia that is America, and it gets butchered in every way possible. Every single day. If you can think of a way to pronounce 24 characters - it has been done. Trust me.
Soon after I landed in the US I realized that my name was going to be an issue. I just did not fathom how big an issue it would be. In a month, Rangaprabhu became just Prabhu. Then “Prabhu rhymes with trouble. Not proble, prabhu.” Calls to customer service were a nightmare. “P for Peter, R for Robert...U for Umbrella. Thats just my first name.” Some politely laughed, others audibly sighed over the phone. And then some just gave up and said,"I just cannot pronounce this name.".
What frustrated me the most was that very few even tried. Most of them would start to pronounce my name and midway through the first name, realize it was going to be an effort and bail out. The common excuse, “Sorry if I got your name wrong” happened all too often. My wife who has a much simple name made all of 7 character that ended with an "i" often got mispronounced as ending with an "a". What part of the “i” are you not reading dear friend, I felt like asking. Is it verbal diarrhea or just a simple lack of interest in trying to pronounce a name?. Either way, it was frustrating for her to have to correct the last syllable of her name, all the time.
This country is not without its share of complex immigrant names. The Polish have names that took me some time to figure out. So too for the Russians and the Chinese. But here is what I did- I made an effort. When I couldn't figure it out, I politely asked. I would love it if people asked me how to pronounce my name. I can give you the essay type answer, the one pager or the one liner. Based on how much time you have to kill. I am always willing to tell you how to pronounce my name.
About 6 or so years ago, I figured out a way to make everyone’s life easier. I started coming up with creative names whenever I went out. Sometimes I was "Batman" if I was wearing a Batman t-shirt. Sometimes it was "Boston" or "Redsox" from my hat. I have been "Panera" at Panera- figured they would be able to call out their own employer’s name easily. I have been the creator of the Ark at Noah’s bagels and Buzz Lightyear at a Disney restaurant in Florida. And somewhere along the way, it became an obsession to come up with a smart and cool name. It has finally allowed me to break free from the shackles of name butchering and actually have fun with it.
So the next time you are in the Bay Area and hear the name "Optimus Prime" being called out, chances are, I am around. Do say hello!